I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
