I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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