Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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