New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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