She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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