did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
