You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
