doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
