I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
