i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
