Your face is a jimmy john
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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