Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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