I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
