So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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