So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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