my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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