thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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