i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
