there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
