Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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