I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
