There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
