I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
