pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
