u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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