I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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