Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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