I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
