If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
