I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
