who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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