Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
