What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
