go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
