hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
