You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
