I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
