i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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