it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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