I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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