i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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