remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
