Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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