I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
