what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
