dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
