Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
