You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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