I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
