He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
