We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
