my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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