My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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