so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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