Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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