I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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